Wispy memories
I have them every now and again, wispy memories that randomly come into my mind.
A couple of days ago, they seemed to be occurring awfully frequently. Why were these memories coming into my head? Out of nowhere a scene from 20 years ago, completely unrelated to anything we had been talking about or had recently heard, and then another from a time 30 years ago and then another from ten years before. It had me flummoxed, just as it always does. I wonder why a picture from this scene is in my head right now. It’s a pity I can’t remember exactly what these were, just to give an example, but I might have seen myself on a jet boat up the Whanganui River. I did this trip back in 1981. Then my next image might be of a holiday camp that I did an interview for when I was working for the paper back in 2002 and perhaps a third as I was catching the horse as a child – just random.
As I’m sitting here writing, asking for a random thought, none is forthcoming, yet two days ago they were appearing in my mind nonstop, like layers of memory were being lifted off me, exposing the one underneath. My first thought was negative – I hope I’m not getting Alzheimer’s but then I remembered I’d done a clearing on the weekend and this could very well have been more releasing connected to that.
Clearings are funny old things. I use the word to describe healing work I do on myself, when I am trying clear out the original cause of an issue that I have recently reacted to. This I can give an example of. Stephen and I had attended a local market on Saturday, where a woman was selling delicious looking mussel fritters. I decided to have one, but had to wait my turn to order and for it to be cooked. The woman in front was taking up a lot of space and finally she had her nice big fritter on a slice of bread and moved out of the way. The woman serving took my money and proceeded to place two more lots of batter into the pan but these two were quite a bit smaller than the first two that had been cooking, with one even smaller than the other. I waited around for a while, then the woman who was cooking suggested I go away and come back as they’d be a further six or seven minutes. I did so and when I returned the first woman was back in front. She wanted another, paid her money and pointing to the bigger of the two, said, ‘I want that one.’ Never mind that she was out of turn and I was to be next.
The one I received was still very nice and a good size, but I felt aggrieved. The woman cooking offered to make me a smaller one to accompany mine, but I said no thanks as I didn’t want to wait any longer.
As I have mentioned in both my books, if anything pushes our buttons, then there is work to do on the issue. This incident had pushed mine. Let’s be realistic, who cares if ours is smaller than the other, but because I was holding unresolved trauma from childhood, this did matter to me. The next day I went into the issue starting with unfairness as that was the emotion I was feeling. As I worked my way back through these emotions I saw the childhood trauma I was still holding. I had missed out on something as a kid. It had seemed so unfair at the time and because I hadn’t healed it, I was still reacting to a similar situation today. With releases, I feel my energy swirling and I cough, yawn and cry. I know I have let it go.
So that is what I am attributing my wispy memories to, part of that release process where things are letting go, even after the healing is finished. It wouldn’t have been the memories as such, rather, stuff that was buried alongside those memories. Releases create movement in our energy fields.
A good way to know if we have healed or not is to see if we react in future to a similar situation. Immediately after mine, when I thought of the incident, I felt nothing – no unfairness or anger…and that’s how it should be.
As for the wispy memories, I’ll see if these do follow a clearing I have done or just turn up any old time.